Last Old Notebook Entry

So its official,

I am so bad at writing everyday, ha! Not even just everyday...I cant even do it 'often'.
So obviously a lot has changed from October to January.

The Holidays sucked for me. Hard being alone
I talked to Sean for the first time Thankgiving day. We talked for 6 hours. Didn't really go the way I planned. It sucks how easy it was to be friendly.
I thought I would have asked him all these questions, been given some answers, wanted an apology. But No.
When it comes down to it, non of my questions mattered. No answers I would have gotten would have changed anything, or made it easier. And I know he is sorry. I already knew it, so an apology really wouldn't have changed anything either. Its not like I would have responded with "its ok" LOL
So anyway, we talked and both want to be friends. But I told him I couldn't be friends with him as long as he was still with Her.
So 6 hours later he left and I heard shortly after that she got pissed.
And me and him text often. Then something crazy happend.
He said he has something to give me. He came over one night and it was my promise ring that had fallen down his drain 2 years ago.
Weird.
Well shortly after that he broke up with Her.
Which, of course, wasn't bad news for me. But it Aggrivated me me because it confirmed that he ruined everything between us for nothing. I told him that...he was like "wow yeah...im an idiot."
I was like ...I hate you.
Anyway, he has come over a lot and we have hung out. Its hard.
I dont know. I feel like being friends is border line wrong vs. right.
I dont konw exactly if it is smart. But he was my best friend and its hard to think about not having him in my life at all.
Anyway, other than that Im just working and dating still.
Well I gotta go to bed so I can get up at 6:30 (which I still never do) and go to my job that I LOVE! (sarcasim)

Ah..life is grand :)

K

Drive me Crazy

Why cant I escape?
Every song I hear might as well be our mixed tape
Your face is all I see
Your voice is all I hear
Do you think about me?
I hate the way you are
But love the man you want to be
I hate your lies
But love your eyes
You drive me crazy
But your love can be amazing
You are so stupid
I hate you
Your everything
I love you