Final Tuesday...well Wednesday (another sleepless night)

Its almost 5am Wednesday morning. And my final hours of my last Tuesday in Austin were spent with sounds of sirens, crickets, and moments of watching Sex and the City...when I had had enough of the beeps and bugs ;)

The more these last few weeks have gone on...the less sad I feel. I mean I keep thinking of all my friends there. I have so many girlfriends that I have been removed from for way too long. And after watching some (alot) of episodes of Sex and the City tonight...I realize how much I miss it. And how much I need it. Being single without girlfriends is just plain bullshit...Excuse the language but seriously? How do you do single when most of your friends are guys?
Another realization I came to...the fact 80% of my friends in Austin are guys...
So...here is to the end of my last Tuesday...Or better yet...just another day closer to my something new

Its time to leave fear behind...and have some fun ;)

-K

Last Monday

Austin, Texas Oh how I will miss you.

Pictured...Sunday Funday :)

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Rooftop downtown... bottomless mamosa's.

Great Last Sunday

Its the first day of my last week...

I have yet to pack Anything...eeek.
Going to track down some moving boxes tonight. I called a few places so Im hoping to get a lot done tonight.
Sleep has not been something I have been fortunate enough to experience lately...so I might as well make use of the insomnia.
I guess I just have soo much on my mind with the move. So much is changing so quickly.
I kind of like it :) Lol
But I always feel like Im in my head.
O-well...Im sure once I get to Houston things will feel better. Hopefully.

Im excited for this weekend. I have a few girlfriends coming over Friday night when I get in town :)
We are going to unpack and then they are staying over and we are getting up and going to Lake Conroe for the Aquapalooza all day! I love being on a boat. So much fun :)
So its good that I have something to look forward to as soon as I get there.

Talked to Sean for about an hour and a half last night. He was kinda down...I think I helped :)
It was a good conversation all in all. Made me feel like good friends again. Which is what we both need. Both of us have soooo much on our minds, and we are both kinda lost it seems. Its good to just have that friend there when its not complicated by emotional crap.
We should keep it this way.

Bye for now

-K

Im Moving :(

So its official...im moving to Houston.BUMMER!

I know it wont be THAT bad...but Im not too happy about it at this moment in time.

Going out tonight with my good friend Dustin. Hopefully we will have a good time and get my mind off of it. Probably not though...cause I will be downtown...in the city I love with all my heart...thinking about how this is one of my last weekends to live here :(

I just told my roommate today. She is being really cool about it. So that made my life easier for sure. Friends are calling me and telling me to hurry up and get to Houston. Im like...I DONT WANNA! haha

Im taking my time. I have 2 solid weeks and 3 weekends left here. Really only 2 weekends cause the last weekend is moving weekend.

I never thought I would leave here...and here I am doing it.
Then again, I never thought a lot of things would happen...and they have.
Ill embrase it I guess...and keep on smiling :)

Tonights going to be a good night ;)

K

This is new

So I have decided to start a blog.
Ive been writing semi-often, mostly scribble in a notebook.
But some people I know have started blogging, and reading their things are sometimes helpful, whether how good, bad, or boring they are.

So whether or not anyone reads this, Im going to ramble. Lol.
It may not always be exciting or great. But I think its therapy in a way...to get out feelings and/or thoughts.

This is technically my first post...But Im going to add some older things that I wrote a while ago

-K

Selfish I Know

I am realizing that enough time has passed, so its easier to not think about you. Thats a good thing for me I know. But I cant help but think that maybe your getting to that place too. And that kills me. I konw its selfish that I dont want you to move on. But its always nice to imagine that someone out there wants you.
But you dont anymore...and subcontiously I can feel it.
And I hate it.


When I think about you my heart aches. But not because I want you. But because I want someone that is no longer here.
I wonder if you think about me? Do you miss me?
Im still here...your not.
That is the hardest part.
Im really starting to feel myself let go of you.
Are you letting go to?
Its scary, I dont want to let us go. I have to



Is it evil?
Am I really this way?
I dont want to miss you, I want you to miss me
I dont want to be with you, I want you to want me
I dont want to try, I want you to try
I want to move on, I dont want you to move on
I dont want to love you, I want you to love me
Im letting go
Dont let go

Fishing

There are other fish in the sea
This has become very obvious to me
Its not hard finding someone new
Its the process of letting go of you
You put me through hell
Why cant I just leave and wish you well?
Others are promising to treat me right
We have fun, laugh, and never fight
But your constantly there in the back of my mind.
You somehow still have me on this fishing line
Everything wrong with him is right with you.
Everything wrong with you is right with him.
My head says him but my heart says you.
Who listens to their heart anyway?
All that follows is heartbreak.

Messy

What do you do
How do you act
Who do you see
When it isn't me?
Ive never been so messed up
Why do I care?
I dont trust a thing you say
I hate thinking about you everyday
I need to break this habbit
But all I want to do is stay
Ive spent so much time loving you
But right now...at this moment
Fuck you

Pretend

You started new
You wanted me to be with you
We had a great time
Living in rewind
Ignoring this fact...
I may have been the first
But I wont be the last

Advertise the memory

How could you advertise the memory?
You say you care about me
That your sorry
But you wear the pain and it laughs at me
You laugh and change "just for me"
Like its no big deal
But its killing me

Ra Ra Random

Some random things I have scribbled down while I was in class...

Who are you?
Him or you?
Stop changing based on where you are
and who you hang out with
Just grow up and be you...no matter who your around
or where you are.

Whats the word?
Bitch?
No
Slut?
Maybe...
How about disrespectful.
Yes...
Get off my koolaide
Im a better kisser anyway
You suck at life

What is it about her?
Is it because she doesn't want you?
Well neither do I
There, does that make it better?

Gambling

"I am torn between two worlds"
Something you often say
I find myself feeling the same way
You say you want me
You say you miss me
And when we are together Im all you see
As much as I want to believe
Im not a fool
So, everyone throw in your chips
Lets start a pool
I know your bet
Your chances are good, so lets play
Ive never had the patience for gambling anway.

9 things I hate about you

I hate that I miss you
I hate that you make me cry
I hate the way you take and take
I hate the way you run when things get hard
I hate that you cant be honest
I hate that your scared
I hate that you ruined everything
I hate that Im not enough
But most of all
I hate that I dont hate you

Last Old Notebook Entry

So its official,

I am so bad at writing everyday, ha! Not even just everyday...I cant even do it 'often'.
So obviously a lot has changed from October to January.

The Holidays sucked for me. Hard being alone
I talked to Sean for the first time Thankgiving day. We talked for 6 hours. Didn't really go the way I planned. It sucks how easy it was to be friendly.
I thought I would have asked him all these questions, been given some answers, wanted an apology. But No.
When it comes down to it, non of my questions mattered. No answers I would have gotten would have changed anything, or made it easier. And I know he is sorry. I already knew it, so an apology really wouldn't have changed anything either. Its not like I would have responded with "its ok" LOL
So anyway, we talked and both want to be friends. But I told him I couldn't be friends with him as long as he was still with Her.
So 6 hours later he left and I heard shortly after that she got pissed.
And me and him text often. Then something crazy happend.
He said he has something to give me. He came over one night and it was my promise ring that had fallen down his drain 2 years ago.
Weird.
Well shortly after that he broke up with Her.
Which, of course, wasn't bad news for me. But it Aggrivated me me because it confirmed that he ruined everything between us for nothing. I told him that...he was like "wow yeah...im an idiot."
I was like ...I hate you.
Anyway, he has come over a lot and we have hung out. Its hard.
I dont know. I feel like being friends is border line wrong vs. right.
I dont konw exactly if it is smart. But he was my best friend and its hard to think about not having him in my life at all.
Anyway, other than that Im just working and dating still.
Well I gotta go to bed so I can get up at 6:30 (which I still never do) and go to my job that I LOVE! (sarcasim)

Ah..life is grand :)

K

Drive me Crazy

Why cant I escape?
Every song I hear might as well be our mixed tape
Your face is all I see
Your voice is all I hear
Do you think about me?
I hate the way you are
But love the man you want to be
I hate your lies
But love your eyes
You drive me crazy
But your love can be amazing
You are so stupid
I hate you
Your everything
I love you